Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Steps to Reclaim Your Power
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a challenging but essential journey in order to live your best life. It's a process of reclaiming your identity, rebuilding your self-worth, and establishing a life free from manipulation and control. This type of abuse is often subtle, and it can leave you feeling lost, confused, and powerless without even understanding exactly why. You are not an idiot. Your empathy just got hijacked for someone else’s personal gain. Now that it’s over and you’re left alone with the hurt, what do you do now?
Acknowledge and Validate Your Own Experience
The first and most crucial step is to recognize the abuse. Narcissistic abuse often involves gaslighting, where the abuser makes you question your reality and your own sanity. You might have been told you’re too sensitive, dramatic, unpredictable, hypocritical, negative for calling out their behavior. It’s vital to acknowledge that what you experienced was real and harmful. This validation is the foundation for all further healing. Allow yourself to feel the anger, sadness, and grief. This is not a sign of weakness; it's a necessary part of letting go and moving on. You might grieve the life you could have had this whole time, and you might even grieve the loss of your relationship with the narcissist. You’re not broken for feeling this way.
Implement No Contact or Low Contact
To truly heal, you must create distance from the abuser. No contact is the gold standard if possible, meaning no phone calls, texts, emails, or social media interaction. This prevents the abuser from continuing their manipulative cycle and gives you space to think clearly. If no contact isn't an option (e.g., due to shared children), low contact is the next best choice. This involves communicating only when absolutely necessary and keeping interactions brief and unemotional. Setting these boundaries is critical for reclaiming your power from a narcissist. This could mean staying in the car when dropping off the kids, or even meeting in a neutral location.
Reconnect with Yourself and Your Support System
Narcissistic abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family. A key part of your recovery is reconnecting with the people who love and support you. Lean on them, share your story, and let them help you. I know this takes a lot of courage to let someone in again. Next, it’s time to rediscover yourself. What were your hobbies before the relationship? What brought you joy? Reengage with these activities. This process of self-discovery helps you remember who you are outside of the abusive dynamic. It’s so overwhelming to rebuild you life from the ground up. If you’re stuck, think about what activities you enjoyed as a kid or what your “dream self” would do as a hobby.
Seek Professional Help
Healing is not a journey you have to take alone. A therapist specializing in trauma or narcissistic abuse can provide invaluable tools and guidance. They can help you process the trauma, understand the patterns of abuse, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. A professional can also help you rebuild your self-esteem and learn how to set and enforce healthy boundaries in all your future relationships. This is the next chapter in your life, and the story is about to take a turn for the better.
Practice Self-Compassion and Patience
Healing is not a linear process. There will be good days and bad days. This doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Be kind to yourself. You've been through a traumatic experience, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Celebrate the small victories, like when you stand up for yourself or say "no" to something you don't want to do. Reclaiming your life after a toxic relationship takes time. Practice self-care, meditate, journal, exercise, take a bubble bath, read a novel, or spend time in nature. Reconnect with your body and your emotions. If this seems like a foreign concept, try listening to different moods of music or watching a sappy rom-com.
By taking these steps, you are not just surviving; you are beginning to thrive. You are moving from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment, and that is a truly beautiful and courageous thing.
Deconstruction Counseling
Note from Morgan Piercy, LPC, NCC, ACT-PT: I love helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, whether it be from clergy abuse, an unhealthy romantic relationship, or a parent. You are the author of your own story, and you deserve to have full autonomy in your life! Contact me today start your healing journey.