Why I Don’t Call It “Church Hurt”
I know it’s a common phrase. And overall, I should be glad it’s getting the publicity it deserves. However, as you’ll see on my website, I put the phrase “Church Hurt” in quotes. Every. Single. Time. That is 100% intentional. Here’s my rationale:
When people step away from toxic religious spaces (i.e. some rigid, conservative evangelical Christian communities like Westboro Baptist Church, among some other denominations and groups), the term “church hurt” often gets thrown around. But let’s be clear… what many of us went through wasn’t just hurt feelings. It was religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and psychological damage caused by systems of intolerance, fear-based indoctrination, and Christian nationalism. Calling it “church hurt” minimizes the reality of the pain from negative church experiences, and the wounds that faith communities can cause.
Naming Religious Trauma from Christian Nationalism for What It Is
Many people who choose to go to a different church, deconstruct their Christian faith, or leave Christianity behind struggle with nightmares, guilt, and anxiety for years later. They were told America must be ruled under dominion theology and Christian nationalism. This theology teaches that you can’t trust yourself, including what your nervous system and your body is trying to tell you. Not to mention the gaslighting regarding the lack of racial diversity in many denominations! When we call this “church hurt,” we erase the systemic harm that impacts people’s mental health, relationships, and sense of identity.
The Psychological Impact of Spiritual Abuse
Harm caused by faith communities can look like:
Complex PTSD symptoms: hypervigilance, flashbacks, dissociation.
Fear of hell or eternal punishment even long after leaving the faith.
Difficulty trusting others and feeling safe in relationships because authority figures once used behavioral, informational, thought, or emotional control.
This isn’t just a spiritual disagreement. It’s psychological wounding. And it deserves space in the therapy room.
Why Words Matter
By refusing to call it “church hurt,” we reclaim power. Words like religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and indoctrination validate the severity of what survivors experienced. They also help connect people to trauma-informed therapy, exvangelical support groups, evidence-based treatments for mental health concerns, and safe communities where healing can begin.
Moving Toward Healing
If you’re processing the fallout of leaving evangelical Christianity, know that you’re not alone. Healing often begins by:
Naming the abuse as abuse. If abuse feels too accusatory (because let’s be real and step back for a second, not all of the spiritual pain inflicted was intentional. There are many pastors, leaders, and mentors who have no malicious intent whatsoever) then name the trauma as trauma. Trauma is how your nervous system interprets what happened, and it is always valid.
Finding safe community with exvangelicals, ex-Christians, progressive Christians, mainline Christians, another faith community, another religion, or simply other people with religion-related emotional pain. People who leave an unhealthy faith community can ultimately land in so many different spiritual spaces. This is the most empowering part of your deconstruction journey… you get to decide what role spirituality plays in your life from now on!
Working with a trauma-informed therapist who understands spiritual abuse recovery.
Rejecting toxic teachings rooted in racism and fascism.
Learning that your worth as a human being was never up for debate in the first place.
Final Thoughts
I don’t call it “church hurt” because that phrase silences the truth: coercion within faith settings is real, manipulation in religious settings leaves invisible scars, and intolerance disguised as faith damages society. Survivors deserve recognition, validation, and the freedom to heal without their loved ones minimizing their experience.
Deconstruction Counseling FAQ
What is religious trauma and how is it different from “church hurt”?
Religious trauma refers to the lasting psychological harm caused by spiritual abuse, indoctrination, or controlling church environments. “Church hurt” often minimizes this experience, framing it as a minor conflict rather than systemic harm. This is a widespread issue in our culture, and it’s time to call a spade a spade.
What does it mean to be exvangelical?
Exvangelical is a term for people who are no longer actively practicing evangelical Christianity and often speak out against Christian nationalism, racism, and dominion theology.
How does Christian nationalism cause harm?
Christian nationalism merges political power with religious authority, often justifying intolerance, racism, classism, and xenophobia in the name of “Christian values”. Survivors of religious trauma frequently identify this as a source of ongoing harm. Doctrines such as Seven Mountain Mandate leaves no room whatsoever for other people in society to express their First Amendment right to the freedom of religious expression. The First Amendment is for everyone, not just Christians.
What are signs of spiritual abuse?
Spiritual abuse in Christian Nationalist churches can include fear-based preaching about hell or silencing women. This happens when politically motivated pastors use religious authority to control people through fear, shame, or moral pressure. It often includes claiming God’s approval for political agendas and demanding obedience without questions. This creates deep confusion, spiritual fear, and emotional dependence. Many people lose their sense of self because they learn to equate faithfulness with loyalty to the church’s political power.
Trade offer meme template with purple background. Man in blue suit is labeled “abusive churches” and “I receive: your vote, your money, your voice, your time”, and “you receive: trauma”