Elizabeth (she/her) has been a therapist since 2004 and sees clients of all ages dealing with anxiety, work/school stress, trauma, depression, family/relationship conflict, parenting, and more. She uses approaches including Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Gottman Method, and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Elizabeth is neurodivergent-friendly, an LGBTQ+ ally, anti-racist, feminist, affirming, COVID-conscious, and pro-human rights.

Is Anxiety Always a Bad Thing?

Anxiety gets a bad rap. It isn’t known for being a desirable or comfortable emotion to experience. Is anxiety always a bad thing? The short answer, with a spoiler alert: No. Keep reading to learn more and find ways to regulate your anxiety while not allowing it to stop you from doing what you want in life.

What is anxiety?

The American Psychological Association describes anxiety on www.apa.org, as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. Humans experience anxiety in various ways and at different levels of intensity.

Here’s a scale, created by this writer, to describe the range between calm and panicked with emojis.

🙂 🤔 😟 😰 😱

Calm Cautious Worried Anxious Panicked

Although emojis are part of this scale, it’s important to note that often our faces and how things look on the outside don’t always tell the whole story. Think of the duck who appears calm on the surface but is frantically paddling his feet in the water, out of sight. Many of us have become skilled at hiding anxiety because we’ve learned it isn't always okay or safe to show how we truly feel.

Emotions

Our culture tends to label emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, wanted or unwanted, etc, which can often add to our distress when we feel anxious. Viewing an emotion as “bad” makes us feel scared, a sense of dread, or attach another unpleasant experience. All humans have a range of emotions, and judging them isn’t helpful. Instead of judging, describe emotions as facts, just as they are. “I notice I’m feeling anxious.” Once we start to see emotions as visitors and welcome them, knowing they will leave eventually, it helps to lessen the distress of the emotional experience.

What is Your Anxiety Telling You?

What messages do you notice about anxiety in your life?

Take time to notice how you’re feeling and explore patterns of anxiety you’ve noticed in your life. We have gotten used to distractions with technology, phones, social media, and other forms of instant gratification to meet our needs. The constant rushing and “doing” could be distracting you from how you’re truly feeling. Consider quiet time, journaling, talking with a friend, or exploring anxiety in therapy. Observe and describe the emotion: What does it feel like as a sensation in your body? What thoughts are you having? How does anxiety connect to a deeper belief you hold?

How does anxiety help you be motivated?

Anxiety can help signal to the brain, “It’s time to do the thing!” This could mean getting out of bed, being on time, studying for a test, or otherwise accomplishing something. If you’re anxious about a deadline, for example, this could motivate you to stay on task to complete what you need to do.

Does anxiety stop you from doing what you want?

It’s a common human response to feel anxious about something and then avoid doing it because it’s uncomfortable. Our brain quickly learns avoidance as a way to cope with the intensity of how we’re feeling. Although this is a challenging pattern to change, you can learn to feel anxious while continuing to do the thing you want to do.

Here are some tips for when you’re feeling anxious and doing what you want to do anyway:

Practice welcoming anxiety- see it as a visitor and know it will leave eventually.
Remind yourself, “I won’t always feel this way.”
Use self-soothing skills
Be in each moment as it’s happening. Anxiety attempts to predict the future, the “what if…” scenarios. Our brain gets a sense of control if we think we know what’s going to happen. The more we can come back to right now, the less intense we may feel.
Stay grounded in this moment, the one that’s happening right now, for example, currently, all you’re doing is reading this article. In other situations, practice using your 5 senses to engage in the moment, for example, by listening to music, lighting a scented candle, eating a mint, feeling yourself sitting in your chair, or looking at photos of loved ones.
Find a mantra or some type of self-talk that sounds like, “I am safe right now, nothing is happening at this moment.”

When to get more help

You’re experiencing anxiety often, throughout the day, for more days than not, for 2 weeks or longer, and/or have had panic attacks
You’ve noticed anxiety interfering with your day-to-day life, and you’ve tried a variety of skills and strategies, and it still feels unmanageable If this applies to you or you have an interest in exploring anxiety and how it affects you and your life, please reach out to a therapist.

About Elizabeth Hinkle, LMFT, LCMFT (she/her)

I serve clients in Virginia, Kansas, and Washington. If you’d like to learn more about working with me, check out my website.

Guest Blog Post: Anxiety with Elizabeth Hinkle