Guest Blog Post: When Faith-Filled Words Fall Short with Kristine Page
by Kristine Page, LCPC, RPT, PMH-C from Turning the Page LLC
How Spiritual Responses Can Minimize Pregnancy, Baby, and Child Loss
Loss changes people. When someone experiences a miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or the death of a child, the world does not simply pause… it fractures. Time bends. Meaning becomes slippery. The body and heart carry grief in ways that words often fail to reach.
Yet in the midst of this kind of loss, grieving parents are frequently met with words meant to comfort, but that instead cause harm.
Phrases like “This was God’s plan,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “At least you know you can get pregnant” are often spoken from a place of faith, hope, or an earnest desire to reduce suffering. And still, these statements can land as dismissive, invalidating, or deeply painful.
My guest blog post explores why spiritually-framed responses to loss can sometimes minimize grief, how they impact those who are mourning, and how we can show up with greater compassion, humility, and care.
The Collision of Faith and Grief
Faith and spirituality can be powerful sources of meaning, resilience, and comfort—especially in the face of loss. For many grieving parents, their spiritual beliefs become an anchor. For others, those beliefs may be shaken, questioned, or feel temporarily out of reach.
The problem arises not from faith itself, but from how faith is imposed onto someone else’s grief.
Grief is not a theological problem to solve. It is a human experience to be witnessed.
When spiritual explanations are offered too quickly or too confidently, they can unintentionally bypass the emotional reality of loss. They may attempt to make meaning before the grieving person is ready, or before meaning is even possible.
Common Statements That Can Minimize Grief
Many well-intentioned people reach for familiar phrases when faced with loss because they feel helpless. Silence feels awkward. Pain feels contagious. And so, words rush in to fill the space.
Some of the most common examples include:
“This was meant to happen.”
To someone grieving, this can sound like:
My pain was necessary.
My baby’s life was expendable.
I shouldn’t feel this devastated if it was ‘meant’ to be.
Even if rooted in belief about divine purpose, this statement can unintentionally suggest that the loss was inevitable or even required. This leaves parents feeling powerless and unseen.
“God needed another angel.”
This phrase may attempt to honor the child, but it often creates confusion and anger:
Why would God need my child more than I do?
What kind of God takes children to fulfill a need?
Rather than comforting, this can introduce spiritual distress and guilt for questioning faith.
“At least you know you can get pregnant again.”
This statement reduces a unique life to a biological function. It frames the loss as replaceable, as if the pain can be undone by another pregnancy.
For many parents, the grief is not about the ability to conceive. It is about this baby, this child, this future that is gone.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
In early grief, this can feel like pressure to find meaning too soon. It can suggest that suffering is purposeful in ways the grieving person must eventually accept, even if they are still trying to survive the day.
Why These Statements Hurt So Much
Grief after pregnancy or child loss is already isolating. Many parents feel invisible, especially when their baby was never held, never brought home, or never met by others. When minimizing language is added, the isolation deepens.
These responses can:
Invalidate the depth of the loss
Shut down honest emotional expression
Create spiritual guilt or confusion
Discourage future vulnerability
Force meaning-making before someone is ready
They often shift the focus away from the grieving person’s experience and toward the speaker’s discomfort with pain.
Holding Space Without Explaining the Loss
Support does not require answers. It requires presence.
Rather than trying to interpret the loss, the most healing response is often to simply acknowledge it.
Statements like:
“I’m so sorry this happened.”
“This is incredibly unfair.”
“Your pain makes sense.”
These phrases do not attempt to reframe the loss. They honor it.
What Actually Helps: Supportive Alternatives
Here are ways to show up that truly support someone who has experienced miscarriage, baby loss, or child loss:
1. Say the Baby’s Name (If They Have One)
Using the baby’s name acknowledges their existence and importance.
“I think of [baby’s name] often.”
2. Acknowledge the Loss Directly
Avoid vague language.
“I’m so sorry your baby died.”
“I know you lost your child, and that pain doesn’t disappear.”
3. Validate the Grief Without Comparison
Avoid statements that rank pain or offer silver linings.
“This is devastating.”
“There’s no timeline for this kind of grief.”
4. Be Willing to Sit in Silence
You don’t need the right words. Your presence matters more than explanations.
5. Offer Specific, Practical Help
Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try:
“Can I bring a meal on Tuesday?”
“Would you like me to watch your other children for a few hours?”
“I can sit with you if you don’t want to be alone.”
6. Remember Important Dates
Anniversaries, due dates, and holidays can reopen grief.
A simple message:
“I know today might be hard. I’m thinking of you.”
7. Allow Grief to Change Over Time
Grief may soften, shift, or resurface unexpectedly. Avoid assumptions about “moving on.”
A Final Thought
Loss—especially the loss of a baby or child—reshapes a person forever. It deserves reverence, not resolution. Compassion, not commentary. Presence, not perspective.
Faith does not require minimizing pain to remain intact. And comfort does not come from explaining loss—it comes from honoring it.
When we choose to sit with grief rather than explain it away, we offer something far more sacred than answers: we offer connection.
And for someone who has lost a pregnancy, a baby, or a child, that connection can be a lifeline.
You can learn more about guest blogger Kristine Page, LCPC, RPT, PMH-C by going to www.turningthepagellc.com.